


always been a rainbow hangin' over your head

by chaosmere



Category: LOONA (Korea Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon, Canon Compliant, Coming Out, F/F, Mentioned LOONA Ensemble, loonathedorm, ot12 all have a cameo
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-27
Updated: 2021-02-27
Packaged: 2021-03-18 15:20:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,245
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29735862
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/chaosmere/pseuds/chaosmere
Summary: Sooyoung not-so-accidentally finds something out about Jiwoo and she’s not entirely sure how to play it out from there.
Relationships: Ha Sooyoung | Yves/Kim Jiwoo | Chuu
Comments: 4
Kudos: 139





	always been a rainbow hangin' over your head

**Author's Note:**

> title is from the song 'Rainbow' by Kacey Musgraves

Sooyoung never meant to find out like this.

She isn’t snooping, not intentionally. Well, not at first. Now… perhaps.

It was a complete accident that led her to this moment, sitting in front of Jiwoo’s laptop as she reads her search history.

For real.

There was a very particular chain of events, starting with Sooyoung accidentally breaking their shared air fryer and ending with her needing to look up the cheapest replacements on the internet and Jiwoo’s non-password-protected laptop being the closest.

Frantically, she loads up the Google homepage like she would on her own computer. She clicks the search bar and she was about to type ‘Air Fryer sale’ when she noticed the recent searches that popped up.

_ How do I know if I like girls? _

She stared at it for a while.

And then a while longer.

And then, even though she can hear Heejin’s frustrated “ _ Who among you used this air fryer last _ !?” from the kitchen, she pulled up Jiwoo’s search history.

That’s what she’s currently looking at.

_ What does being gay feel like? _

_ If you feel butterflies in your stomach around a girl, are you gay? _

_ How to know if you like girls romantically Reddit _

Except for the last one, Jiwoo uses correct grammar for her Google searches. The realization would make Sooyoung smile, but the desperation in the searches is making her heart hurt.

_ Am I gay? _

_ Am I gay? Buzzfeed quiz _

_ Help, I think I might be gay. What do I do? _

_ How to come out _

_ How can you tell if you’re just gay for one person? _

Sooyoung snorts at that and shakes her head.

_ What do you do when you’ve fallen for your friend? _

_ What do you do when you’ve fallen for a coworker? _

Sooyoung freezes. This is invasion of privacy. What is she doing? She hurriedly closes the window and slams the laptop shut, replacing it exactly where it was on the table.

She gets up from the chair and exits the room.

She’s going to pretend she never saw any of that. That’s the right thing to do.

She can do that, right?

#

She can’t do that.

She knows Jiwoo must be struggling right now and the thought is tearing Sooyoung up.

Sooyoung has been there before, she knows exactly how it feels. She’s always known most of her life – even more so when she joins dance academy and she catches herself looking at her insanely pretty and talented classmate and realizes that not only does she want to  _ be _ her, she also has the urge to  _ be with _ her.

It’s not an easy thing to come to terms with, and Jiwoo is… well, Jiwoo is Jiwoo. 

Sooyoung thought she seemed off lately, and she had been meaning to ask if she was okay, but recently she can never manage to get any alone time with Jiwoo.

Which is strange because she knows the girl won’t pass up the chance to be with her, most of the time.

It’s almost as if she’s avoiding Sooyoung, which…

_ Ah _ .

Okay, now that she knows Jiwoo  _ is _ avoiding  _ her _ , she’ll have to try a little harder to hunt her down. Maybe if she gently inquires about Jiwoo’s well-being, she’ll spill everything.

It’s not that she wants to force Jiwoo out of the closet,  _ definitely not _ , just that she wants to be able to help. 

She doesn’t want Jiwoo to go through this alone.

Three days post-discovery, she finds Jiwoo sitting alone on their living room couch watching Netflix. The others are probably out practicing, eating outside, or cooped up in their room playing video games (for Hyejoo’s case). 

As soon as she steps into the shared space, Jiwoo leaps up from the couch and snatches her coffee mug from the table.

“Hey Jiwoo,” Sooyoung calls. “I was just coming to talk to you.”

“I was just going to get more coffee,” Jiwoo replies brightly. “Maybe we can talk later, unnie.”

“No worries, I’ll tag along,” Sooyoung says. She jogs over to Jiwoo, who looks like she’s trying to come up with an excuse. “I just need your notes on this song I wrote the other day,” Sooyoung adds quickly, hoping to placate some of Jiwoo’s anxiety.

She’ll worry about coming up with an original song later.

“Okay,” Jiwoo says after a long pause.

They head to the kitchen quietly. Sooyoung doesn’t say anything and hovers at the edge of the kitchen as Jiwoo puts on a new pot of coffee.

“Let’s hear it unnie,” Jiwoo says, her back to Sooyoung.

Sooyoung blinks, forgetting about her lie for a moment there.

“Um, I’ll show you in a bit.” Sooyoung swallows and licks her lips. “Hey, are you… okay? Because lately, you’ve seemed a little…”

“I’m fine!” Jiwoo replies, too fast to be convincing. Sooyoung notices her hand clench around the handle of her mug. She doesn’t turn.

“Okay, well… if you ever want to talk… about anything at all… I’m here, okay? You know you can tell unnie anything, right?”

There’s a pause and Sooyoung can practically hear Jiwoo thinking. 

“Okay,” Jiwoo squeaks out and it sounds incredibly forced. She spins around. “Um, I just realized that I’ve already had too much coffee today.” She’s got an unnatural smile stretched across her face, almost like a grimace, really.

“I should probably go practice unnie.” She sets her mug down on the counter with more force than necessary and practically flies from the kitchen, blowing past before Sooyoung can even reply.

Sooyoung sighs.

Well, that went well.

#

Another few days pass and Jiwoo seems to only get more miserable. Obviously, Jiwoo doesn’t feel like she can talk about it to them. The thought is kind of heartbreaking.

Unless… maybe she just doesn’t feel like she can talk to  _ Sooyoung _ about it? Maybe she’s already talked to Jungeun or Chaewon about it.

Well, Chaewon is out with Hyejoo today so there’s only one way to find out.

“Kim Jungeunnnnn,” Sooyoung crows from her bed, shouting just enough for Jungeun to hear from her room next door.

“What now, unnie?” Jungeun groans from her room. “Did you and Jinsol fight again?”

Sooyoung rolls her eyes. “In my defense, she’s too sensi–” Nope, not now. That’s another story for another day. She coughs. “Never mind. I just need your help. It’s urgent. Come here.”

“Ugh, can Vivi unnie come instead?”

And she can hear Vivi faintly reply, “Don’t drag me into this.”

“Jungie, please,” she begs.

More groaning.

Alright then, time to bring out her trump card.

“I’ll treat you to that place you’ve always wanted to go. Chicken and drinks on me.”

She knows it worked when she instantly hears the sound of Jungeun jumping down from her bunk bed and walking to her room. 

“You better mean that,” she says as soon as she’s on the doorstep and sees Sooyoung grinning widely, sitting on the bed. Sooyoung nods and Jungeun takes her seat on the empty chair.

“So, what did you need my help with?”

Sooyoung’s grin falls and sighs. 

Concern crosses Jungeun’s face and she comes to sit beside her on the bed. “Are you okay?”

Sooyoung waves her hand. “I’m fine. I’m worried about Jiwoo, though.”

Jungeun raises an eyebrow. “Oh? Jiwoo?”

Sooyoung hums. “She’s seemed a little off lately, and you’re her best friend so I was wondering if she’s… said anything to you?”

“Really? She seems fine to me.” Jungeun cocks her head. “ _ You _ could ask  _ her _ if she’s okay.”

“I did. She said she was fine–”

“There you go.”

“–but she didn’t sound convincing at all. And she’s been avoiding me. That’s why I thought maybe she’d tell you… something… before telling me.”

“I really don’t know what to tell you, unnie. It’s Jiwoo. You’re as close to her as I am.”

Sooyoung grunts.

“Is that all you needed to talk about?” Jungeun asks, already standing up.

“Yes. Wait, about what I offered earlier, can we split the bi–”

“Unnie,” Jungeun whines. “You already promised!”

#

Sooyoung is back to square one. Jiwoo is scared to tell them, or doesn’t feel like she can for whatever reason.

The idea comes to Sooyoung like all her ideas do– in the middle of the night.

The next morning, she stands in their living room, typing out something on their KakaoTalk group chat, and she waits.

Hyunjin arrives first, surprisingly, and shortly after, the girls all gather in the living room, Jiwoo being the last to arrive.

Yeojin reads the message aloud. “‘ _ Family meeting in the living room, asap. _ ’ Meeting about what, unnie?”

“You’ll see,” Sooyoung simply replies.

“Unnie, what’s going on?” Jungeun still looks worried.

“Sooyoung, this better be really important,” Jinsol chimes in.

“It better be. I just pulled Venti and I can’t wait to use him.” Hyejoo.

“Your gacha luck is something else, Hye!” Haseul.

“Um, what’s this meeting about?” Jiwoo sounds nervous.

More chattering.

Sooyoung breathes, trying to keep her cool.

Even more chattering.

“Everyone, be quiet!”

Silence, finally.

She clears her throat. “I’m sure you’re wondering why I’ve gathered you all today.”

“We literally just asked that,” Hyejoo says.

“I have something to tell you,” Sooyoung continues, ignoring her. “Something big.”

Jiwoo, if possible, looks even more nervous.

“Something to do with me,” Sooyoung adds quickly.

“Is this about how you ate all my good-for-twelve cookies the other day?” Heejin shakes her head.

“No, I’m pretty sure that was Hyunjin.”

Hyunjin grins and Heejin yells, “I knew it!”

“You're the one who broke our air fryer, aren't you?” Yerim loudly whispers.

“Ah. Yes,” she admits sheepishly and she's met with collective groans. "I'll replace it soon, I promise." She pauses and focuses. “Anyway, it's not about that.”

“Are- are you dating someone?” Jiwoo says in a small voice.

The members collectively ‘oooh’.

Sooyoung’s mouth only falls open. “Dating? No, what makes you think that? I’m not even–”

“What is it, unnie? Just tell us.” Chaewon nudges. “We’re going to be here all day.”

“Right.” She clears her throat once more. “So big announcement. About me. There’s something that I’ve wanted to tell you guys for a while, but I was kind of scared about how you’d react. But then I remember that you guys are my family and I know you’ll love me and accept me no matter what.”

Haseul nods. “Of course. Through and through.”

Sooyoung smiles genuinely at that. “Anyway, here goes.” She takes a breath. “I... like girls.”

There’s a few seconds of silence, and then Hyejoo and Chaewon burst into laughter. The others are smiling knowingly. Jiwoo is silent.

Hyejoo wipes tears from her eyes and stops laughing just long enough to say, “Unnie, are you serious?  _ This  _ is your big announcement?”

“We know,” Chaewon adds. “Or at least yyxy.”

“ _I_ know,” Vivi smirks.

Sooyoung crosses her arms and frowns. “How? I’ve never said anything. Did you stereotype me based on how I sit? The way I dress sometimes? The way I act?”

“No, dumbass,” Hyejoo wheezes, “you watch all these little gay shows. And listen to gay music.”

She rolls her eyes and catches Jungeun giving her a knowing look.

“And you’re always flirting with…” Jungeun looks directly at Jiwoo. “... girls.”

Sooyoung taps her chin. “Yeah, okay, you got me. Well, I just wanted to affirm that this is a loving and supportive family and that we are all okay with sexualities of any sort. Right?”

“Of course, crazy,” Jinsol replies.

“Unnie is right!” Yerim brightly says.

The others smile and nod in agreement.

Jiwoo is still quiet. And staring at the floor.

“Okaaaay,” Hyejoo says. “While we’re sharing… I think I might like girls as well.”

This is when Jiwoo speaks up for the first time since Sooyoung dropped her bomb. “You do?” she asks quietly.

Hyejoo scratches her head. “Yes. Girls are pretty,” she says, subtly eyeing Chaewon and Sooyoung sees the latter blush a little.

Jiwoo nods slowly like that makes perfect sense. “I see.”

Sooyoung grins widely. “Awesome, everyone!”

“I have to go,” Jiwoo says abruptly, standing and taking off before any of them can blink. They watch her retreating back as she runs to her room.

“Is Jiwoo unnie okay?” Yeojin asks, confusion coloring her voice. “Did we make her uncomfortable…”

“Okay, meeting’s over. I’ll go check on her,” Sooyoung says quickly.

She follows her to her room. Crap. Did she go too far with this? She really had no idea it was going to turn into a coming-out fest. That’s not what she intended at all. Jiwoo probably felt totally put on the spot.

She knocks on the door. “Jiwoo?”

No answer.

“Jiwoo, can I come in?”

Still no answer.

Sooyoung sighs. She was about to leave and give the girl some space when she hears her voice.

“It’s not locked.”

Assuming that was a green light for her to come inside, Sooyoung opens the door and sees Jiwoo sitting on her bed, looking morose. 

She walks tentatively towards her, trying to keep from making any sudden movements as if Jiwoo’s a woodland creature that must not be frightened. “Jiwoo, are you okay?”

Jiwoo looks up to meet her gaze for a moment, then directs her attention back at the table in front of her. Sooyoung hesitantly sits down beside her but remains quiet. She’s not sure what to say. 

If she’s already botched this, she doesn’t want to make it any worse.

They sit in silence for a few minutes. Jiwoo is fidgeting with her fingers and staring at nothing.

“I recognize how bad this looks,” Jiwoo says finally.

“Hm?”

“Running off after your announcement without saying anything.” Jiwoo inhales. “It makes me look like a terrible person.”

“It’s okay, Jiwoo. I know you’re not,” Sooyoung murmurs.

Jiwoo looks up so suddenly and so intensely that Sooyoung feels her breath catch. “I’m really proud of you for telling us, Sooyoung unnie. That must have been really hard.”

Sooyoung considers that. Truth be told, that was the first time she’s ever come out.

Only now did she realize how not-so-easy it is. There certainly was a bit of nervousness that she hadn’t anticipated. Especially considering that she somewhat kind of knew that all of them knew already. 

She can’t imagine what Jiwoo is going through.

Sooyoung chooses her words carefully. “Truthfully, it was a little hard. But I meant what I said—this is a loving and supportive family, and I knew it would be okay.”

Jiwoo nods and stares back down at the bench. She sucks in a breath. “Can I ask you something?”

“Anything.”

“When did… how did you know? That you were… gay?”

“Um, for some reason, I kind of always knew,” Sooyoung answers honestly. 

Jiwoo’s face falls as if that wasn’t the answer she wanted to hear.

Sooyoung takes a chance. “But I only got more sure of it when I entered academy and debuted. And, I know a lot of people who didn’t know until later in life.”

Jiwoo glances up, her expression calculating. 

“Sooyoung unnie…” she says.

Sooyoung waits. She tries to look as encouraging as possible, without revealing that she knows what’s coming.

“I think… I think I might… like girls as well.” The last words are whispered.

Before Sooyoung can say something, Jiwoo continues. “I don’t know how I identify yet but I do know girls make my heart flutter.”

Sooyoung reaches out to gather Jiwoo’s hands on her own. “I am so proud of you for telling me. Whatever you’re feeling, I know it’s scary, but I’m here for you. Okay? I’m so happy that you feel like you can trust me.”

Jiwoo stares for a few moments. “You knew, didn’t you.” Her face crumples. “Is it that obvious?”

“Um…” Sooyoung stalls. “I… suspected… becauseIsawyoursearchhistory.”

Jiwoo pulls her hand away and covers her face. “Oh my God.”

“I’m so sorry, Jiwoo. I didn’t mean to. I was using your laptop the other day and stumbled across it by complete accident. I haven’t said anything because I didn’t want to force you to tell us before you were ready. But I hoped that maybe if I showed you that you had nothing to worry about, you wouldn’t be so scared.”

“So all of this was just a plan to get me to tell you?” Jiwoo sounds hurt.

“God. No. I didn’t expect all that other stuff to happen. I realize now it was a crappy plan. I just didn’t want you to feel alone in this. I’m so sorry, Jiwoo.”

“It’s okay… Thanks, unnie. I know you only meant well.” Jiwoo sighs. “This is just… so hard.”

“I know.”

Jiwoo whines. Cute.

“I don’t know what I’m gonna do. I don’t know anything about being with women. I don’t understand the rules. Who’s supposed to pay on a date? Who asks out whom? It’s all so confusing!”

“Hey,” Sooyoung says gently. “I can help you through that stuff.”

Jiwoo looks at her with a little hint of a smug sort of interest and it makes Sooyoung swallow a large lump in her throat.

“Really, unnie?”

“Uh… I mean… um.” Sooyoung runs her hand through her hair, feeling panic (and something else) rise within her. 

“Relax, I’m kidding, unnie,” Jiwoo says with a laugh.

“Ah. Right. Of course. Um… I think I hear Chaewon calling for me outside. I should go–”

She tries to move but Jiwoo tethers her in place. “Unnie.”

“Mm?” Sooyoung looks over her shoulder for an escape route.

“Thank you. For talking to me about all this.” Her voice and smile are genuine. “Oh, and I forgive you for looking through my search history.”

Sooyoung can only look at her endearingly. 

“I’m glad I could help. Do you think you’re going to tell the others?”

Jiwoo considers that. “I didn’t think I could, but...yeah. Yeah, I think I am.”

“What, now?”

“Yes,” Jiwoo replies. “Will you come with me, unnie? Or does Chaewon still need you?” She lilts this last part, teasing.

“I’ll come with.”

#

“ _ Another _ family meeting?” Jungeun groans.

They’re back in their not-so-little circle. Most of them look a little concerned and confused. 

“I know the conversation has kind of passed,” Jiwoo says, “but there’s something I want to say.”

Everyone looks at her with interest.

“What is it?”

Jiwoo squeezes her eyes shut. “I like girls too.”

A few seconds of silence.

Eyes still closed, she eventually hears deafening cheers and a series of “I’m happy for you, Jiwoo”, “Go unnie!” and more words that make her heart swell.

She suddenly feels warmth envelop her and she opens her eyes to see Sooyoung hugging her.

“Jiwoo, I’m so proud of you, baby.”

The pet name makes her face heat up and heart doing cartwheels but she doesn’t have time to dwell on that when she sees the other members joining in for a group hug.

“Aww, group hug!” Yerim says brightly.

“Proud of you, Jiwooming,” Jungeun says, patting her back.

She feels a hand pat her head as well and found that it was their leader’s. “We’re all very proud of you, Jiwoo. We love you no matter what.”

Jiwoo feels tears, welling up in her eyes, and she chokes out a “Thank you, everyone.”

She buries her face in Sooyoung’s neck, thinking about how she couldn’t ask for a better family and how she wouldn’t have had the courage if it weren’t for Sooyoung.

Now she just needs to save up more courage to formally ask Sooyoung out.

Someday.

**Author's Note:**

> one big hug to you all 🌈


End file.
